How a Skirmish With Authority Revealed My Ego-Constructed Victim Identity

I have taken shelter in the identity of “victim,” because in that corner of my psyche, I don’t have to take responsibility for my own contribution to my pain. In this confessional essay, I reflect on two situations in which I assumed the role of victim to protect my ego: being cited for moving traffic violations and the dissolution of romantic relationships.… Read More How a Skirmish With Authority Revealed My Ego-Constructed Victim Identity

Coming Out of Hibernation Early

My retreat from this blog lasted 20 days. I decided to come out of hiding for two reasons. Firstly, my depression this winter seems to be pretty mild, and secondly, I greatly missed writing from the personal, vulnerable space I’ve created for myself on this blog. … Read More Coming Out of Hibernation Early

One Year To Stand Still

Clearing out emotional baggage, releasing psychic trauma, and unlearning cultural injections is a long and arduous process. Every time I let go of something, I try to fool myself into believing that I’m finished with the clearing out phase so I can move on. I want to get back to the doing of things, because I’m good at doing — that’s what we’re programmed to value and to strive toward. However, I’ve come to realize that I need to learn not-doing, and it is so much harder than doing ever was for me. That’s why I’m determined to be patient and maintain this plateau in my material life for a full year.… Read More One Year To Stand Still

Putting My Cynical Self in Hibernation

I suffer from seasonal affective disorder, and the variety of depression that seems to be settling down on me this year is characterized by rage, hopelessness, frustration, and cynicism. I really don’t want to write from this place, at least not publicly, so I’m putting this blog on hiatus until these aggressive feelings begin to subside. I wish you all a safe, happy, and productive new year. … Read More Putting My Cynical Self in Hibernation

The Chariot: Learning Dedication Without Attachment to Results

In part two of my year-end reflection, I use runes and tarot to discuss the shape my spiritual journey has taken over the past two years. Thurisaz, the gateway, represents a time in my life when I reflect on my past experiences and come to more fully understand them. “For it is in letting go of your past that you reclaim your power. ” The Chariot taught me that strength and softness can mean remaining dedicated but not becoming attached, doing without doing, steering your chariot toward the horizon and let come what may.… Read More The Chariot: Learning Dedication Without Attachment to Results

The Nine of Swords: Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Divination is a way to peer inside the subconscious and uncover thoughts, ideas, desires, and needs there that have been buried for one reason or another. On the Winter Solstice last year, I laid out a five card spread to mark the death of a year and forecast my forthcoming solar year. In this post, I explore in retrospect how the Nine of Swords related to my attitude toward change in 2017. … Read More The Nine of Swords: Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Meditation Four: Chakra Visualization

I employ chakra theory as a way to communicate human desire and wellness and as a tool for meditation. To quote from the Vajrasati Yoga website: “It is not that the nadis and chakras are ‘objectively there’ so much as they are ‘effectively there’. If you like they are poetic terms that equate to infinite webs of relationships between muscles, nerves, emotions, energy and the psyche.”… Read More Meditation Four: Chakra Visualization