Manic May

As I become aware of my yearly energetic cycle, I notice that certain months, particularly May and August, are high energy and others (namely November and February) are low points. I spun a little bit out of control this May when I tried to incorporate all the warm weather activities I love while still maintaining an ambitious music journalism hobby. In this entry I analyze my own behavior patterns, or samskara, from the perspective of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras. … Read More Manic May

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter: Five Realizations About Loneliness

This is not at all what I intended to write when I sat down. I had the idea to write something lighthearted about how I fill my time with cooking, music, reading, and writing, and that I’m completely happy living alone and without TV or internet. Instead, you get heavy revelations about loneliness and attachment. I’m going to try to relate a few realizations I had about my preoccupation with (especially male) attention in the most open and honest way I can, but this shit is hard to talk about.… Read More The Heart is a Lonely Hunter: Five Realizations About Loneliness

How a Skirmish With Authority Revealed My Ego-Constructed Victim Identity

I have taken shelter in the identity of “victim,” because in that corner of my psyche, I don’t have to take responsibility for my own contribution to my pain. In this confessional essay, I reflect on two situations in which I assumed the role of victim to protect my ego: being cited for moving traffic violations and the dissolution of romantic relationships.… Read More How a Skirmish With Authority Revealed My Ego-Constructed Victim Identity

One Year To Stand Still

Clearing out emotional baggage, releasing psychic trauma, and unlearning cultural injections is a long and arduous process. Every time I let go of something, I try to fool myself into believing that I’m finished with the clearing out phase so I can move on. I want to get back to the doing of things, because I’m good at doing — that’s what we’re programmed to value and to strive toward. However, I’ve come to realize that I need to learn not-doing, and it is so much harder than doing ever was for me. That’s why I’m determined to be patient and maintain this plateau in my material life for a full year.… Read More One Year To Stand Still

Putting My Cynical Self in Hibernation

I suffer from seasonal affective disorder, and the variety of depression that seems to be settling down on me this year is characterized by rage, hopelessness, frustration, and cynicism. I really don’t want to write from this place, at least not publicly, so I’m putting this blog on hiatus until these aggressive feelings begin to subside. I wish you all a safe, happy, and productive new year. … Read More Putting My Cynical Self in Hibernation

The Chariot: Learning Dedication Without Attachment to Results

In part two of my year-end reflection, I use runes and tarot to discuss the shape my spiritual journey has taken over the past two years. Thurisaz, the gateway, represents a time in my life when I reflect on my past experiences and come to more fully understand them. “For it is in letting go of your past that you reclaim your power. ” The Chariot taught me that strength and softness can mean remaining dedicated but not becoming attached, doing without doing, steering your chariot toward the horizon and let come what may.… Read More The Chariot: Learning Dedication Without Attachment to Results

The Nine of Swords: Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Divination is a way to peer inside the subconscious and uncover thoughts, ideas, desires, and needs there that have been buried for one reason or another. On the Winter Solstice last year, I laid out a five card spread to mark the death of a year and forecast my forthcoming solar year. In this post, I explore in retrospect how the Nine of Swords related to my attitude toward change in 2017. … Read More The Nine of Swords: Breaking Up Is Hard To Do